End of a friendship

It's really sad when a friendship ends. I had this "BFF" in Calgary and for almost two years we were just side by side. She had a boyfriend, I met Ash and things were good. Until her and her boyfriend broke up. Ultimately the friendship was still fine until she met this loser. Who has no respect for her, has cheated on her and grabbed her inappropriately at other people's houses. He's disgusting, immature she practically drives his ass around and does everything for him.

Not only that she can't be bothered to hang out with her friends unless he's there, when she does hang out its until he's off work and she's gone. Don't get me wrong when your day start dating somebody that's all you want to do. After a few months you should be able to do things with friends. Anyways I guess the last straw for the both of us was a little after Christmas. On Christmas Eve he admitted that he pretty much cheated on her. I said some truthful things about him and said if you give him another chance you look bad.

She did. Then Ash and I were having put issues and she called him a piece of shit. Now the difference betweent her and I is, when I actually care about someone I stand up for them. Even though him and I were fighting I stood up for him and made a comment as to what a piece of shit really was example her boyfriend. She didn't like that, and she also didn't like the fact I called her out on her shit.

She's lazy, she has every opportunity  to work around the city and make money. Instead she chooses to work at one site because she can sit on her ass all day and do fuck all. All the time I hear how everyone screws her over. How at this one site when she needs shifts no one gives them, but when they need daysnoff she takes them. I finally had enough and said; " you have every chance to work at any other site, you choose not to because you're lazy. So instead you get a 17 dollar an hour paying job and work one or two shifts here and there instead of making 32 an hour and working at every site." She attempted to play the victim on how she got injuried and I said before that, you weren't injuried and now your not injuried. The only person who's screwing you over is you. 

We literally didn't talk for days and when we did, I was talking about my move and my goodbye party. Turns out that's the only night she has off but I probably won't invite her simply because I really don't want to put her in a situation where I say "he can't come". And by me doing that she won't come. That will just piss me off, So I pretty much just save us both the trouble and not mention it to her again. It's not like we hang out anymore and it seems like when we do "talk" it's forced. The last time I saw her was New Year's Eve. She's always working and when she's not, the cheating sleaze is all she wants to hang out with. I'm okay with that. I hope one day she stops dating the same type of guys, grows up and gets her shit together. I'm just a little sad this friendship is pretty much over.

Pieces falling perfectly together.

Just a little before 2014 ended and up until two days ago it had been an exhausting week. The boyfriend and I are "broken up" to an extent. I guess he still calls me his girlfriend while we live together, but I don't act like his girlfriend just his friend now because that's all we are. Friends. I'm not even really sure what he truly feels but I know once I am actually gone he'll realize just how real everything was.. I'm okay tho, I'm happy with where my life is about to go. It seems like everything is falling into place and it's perfect. This year I turn 30 and I believe it's going to be a great year! 

I find myself happy now, because I'm going the path I should have went months ago. I no longer feel like I'm in a stand still and my life has flat lined. I believe great things will happen and I'm loving it. I look in the mirror and I see a different person each day. I know that sounds weird but I'm on this high of happiness. This year I'm going to be selfish, I'm going to think about myself because I need to fully find myself. My 20's were wasted on sleep, heart break and really nothing adventurous. My 30's are going to be amazing, no more sleeping my life away. No more working a mediocre job which I dislike. It's time to do me. 

I want to reconnect with myself on a spiritual level, I want to love myself and then find a love that consumes me. I want to get out of debt, I want to slim down and have muscles. Everything toxic will be removed the moment I leave this place. No more hanging out with people who don't have their shit together or can't be bothered to work on it. No more hanging out with people who have extremely unhealthy habits. No more negative people! No more being negative. The old me is about to be set free...

I'm going to sell everything. I am also going to get rid of everything (except for a few memory keep sakes.) I'm going to completely start fresh and not look back because I will have no regret. When I get out to Vancouver there will be no "What if's" I've done all I can. I stayed for a guy because I didn't want those "what ifs" and now they've been made crystal clear. Nothing is left for me here, I'll miss my friends but I'll make new ones. I'm going to go sit by the ocean and read a good book. I'm going to go into a sketchy side of Van and just take photo's, the raw truth of homelessness, drugs etc...(Don't worry I'll be careful). I'm going to take more time for me, get away from technology, video games and start enjoying the great out doors. I'm going to join a meet up group and meet people with the same common interests. I am also going to stay away from online dating sites...bad bad bad...

Great Day!

Today was a great day. The boy came home lastnight what seemed like it was going to be a fight and an awkward encounter which at first it was. With me being calm and going into the room to read a book his tune changed. We both came to the understanding he would stay until the end of the month and still give me rent for feb. I feel bad for him, I feel bad that his family is the way they are. Unfortunately only he can stop making them treat him like shit, only he can stop being their puppet. In the end he'll learn the hard way and it's unfortunate that will be the day I leave. 

Today I spoke to my cousins wife, because he told me they were both happy to have me and help me out for a few weeks until I find a place. The last time he said she was cool with it he hadn't actually spoken to her. So today I decided to make contact and ask her myself. They're both pretty stoked on having me! That makes me happy, because I'm so stoked to finally be moving to BC. I feel like the last few weeks are going to be amazing. I wanted to be out there before I turned 30 and now I'm going to be. What turned out to be a shitty start to 2015 is now getting better!

Sadness

Today marks the day of.... Everything sucks. Last night his sister called him after things had calmed down and yet again it blew up and of course I look like the bad guy. All I asked of the now ex boyfriend is to give me at least until March. Pay his half of the rent for February that's it. He has given me short notice, it's not fair for him to just bail like that... It's really not. He hasn't even applied for school yet he just thinks he's going to get in by walking through the doors. And maybe he will with his luck. 

So everything was fine, until his sister called. She said he only needed to give two weeks notice. Not a month. She lives in the states and seemed to have stirred up a whole lot of shit lastnight to the point yet again I broke down and cried and he decided to talk shit about me in Arabic. That pisses me off the most and then lie to my face. So then he gets mad and says "why are you so sad? You're getting what you wanted." And I said "I can't be sad this is done?! You're not sad?! Oh I guess you're happy we're over. Good to know." He then went to bed and I slept on the couch. 

He woke me up around 3 when he got up and told me to go to bed. I ended up getting up at 3:45 because I work anyways and he sat down in the bed and kissed me. He said "we'll come up with a solution I won't fuck you over." Like what the fuck the solution is pay your half of the rent for February and get out. So by March 1. I have a shit load of money saved up to move to BC. I'm no longer prolonging this. He then asked me if I wanted him to live with me in Feb. I don't get it you wanted out so fucking bad and now you're offering to stay? Maybe the "break up" part threw him off? Maybe he doesn't believe it's over. I don't know, all I know is right now I'm left in the dark until he talks to his dad after work. I'm stuck at work until 6pm tonight and I'm literally sick to my stomach thinking about all of this. I just don't know what to do. I'm just going to sell everything, keep every dollar I can and go. I'm going to bite the bullet and just move to BC. I might struggle for the first little while but that's life, I stayed for someone and now he's gone. There's nothing left for me here... It's time to move on.

The end is coming....

The last week has been the biggest rocky roller coaster that I've been on in some time. The boyfriend and I had our biggest fight New Years over the puppy. (Which I ended up giving back) To today him telling me he's going to move out because he's going back to school. He said he was going to help me "find" and place and help with the damage deposit. I put "find" in quotations simply because when we were looking for places to move in together he was the most ridiculous person and couldn't even be bothered to try. So this is just one piss off one after the other. It baffles me how he still thinks we'd be together once he moves? You lied from the beginning about wanting to move to Vancouver just to have me stay... And now I'm about to get fucked over for making this stupid decision, and you think we'll still be together? You don't take a step forward in a relationship then a step back and expect it to all be okay? 

I even told him if he had of been honest in the beginning we wouldn't even be in this situation and I wouldn't be pissed. I would be in Vancouver living my fucking life. The one I wanted to live since I was 15 and now I'm stuck for the time being because of your selfish decisions in life. How fucking wonderful. I told him I needed a deadline because we have to give a months notice, I have to call the electricy company and the cable company. I have a lot of things I need to do. Meanwhile you can easily pack your shit and get out. I have to say 2015... You're turning into a very bumpy ride.  

Continuation from yesterday....(Relationships)

So as you all read about last night, after I closed my blog down I went into the bedroom. The boyfriend asked "where are you going?" I told him to go to bed, he asked "why?" and I simply stated because he didn't want to hang out, I was tired and wanted to sleep. He was like "put the dog in the kennel" I got upset and said you can't place a dog in the kennel when you're clearly out here playing your video games. I then said nevermind I'll take him in the room with me. He said no because he didn't want him pissing on the floor. So he "watched him".

Later on he came into the room and turned on the lights, I was chatting with a friend through messenger while I was crying because I was just so upset. A long time ago I used to get this feeling that it was just me, that no one cared about me and I was all alone. A lot of my relationships whether it be friends or boyfriends made me feel that way. It had been so long since I felt that, that feeling came back last night and it hurt. I remember not wanting to ever feel that again and there I was laying in bed crying and feeling it. So after he came in turning on the lights and checking his phone he asked me "why am I being so dramatic?" At that point I wasn't crying and he was too self centered to even notice anyways. He then said to me "We'll now you know how I feel every time I want to watch a movie or hang out and you don't." I looked at him and said WOW...so this was a punishment? This was to prove to me that you could hurt me? Real fucking mature. As he walked out of the room he saw piss on the floor. The puppy let me remind you is 10 weeks old. Had pissed on the floor. So he put him in the kennel. I got out of bed, turned off the lights and went back to crying and talking to my best friend back home. Moments later he came back in and said "Can you walk the dog one last time before you go to bed?" I laid there for a bit and once I was ready to I got up and took them out.

I took them to the field to have them play and run around, not realizing it was too cold for the puppy. I felt so bad, but we went back home after and I placed the puppy into his kennel and went back into bed. Later on the boyfriend came in while I was crying and talking to my friend. He finally decided to ask why I was crying. I was too upset to answer and just continued to bawl. Finally I fall asleep.

Currently I'm at work and around 22:00 I get this text message from the boyfriend saying "this fucking dog better be gone by tomorrow. He just bit me, he's un-trainable and if you want to keep him he's 100% your responsibility. I want nothing to do with him. It was a tiny nick in his finger he was over exaggerating. Puppies bite and if he had of listened to me the other night when I said put him down if he bites play time is over. This wouldn't have happened. Of course he couldn't be bothered to listen to me.

So here I am at work going wtf am I suppose to do? I sent a text to the previous owners because I haven't paid them yet asking them to take the puppy back since I'm highly allergic to him. I don't really know what else to say I feel really bad for this but I can't just have a dog live in a kennel because my boyfriend decided he's going to be an asshole. I feel really bad for the puppy he's cute as a button and just needs to be trained. I think this also has to do with his parents saying "Muslims can't have dogs." He expects me to change to do everything and looking at what life would be like with him "forever" isn't what I want. I don't even know why he's dating out of his culture? He says he doesn't like Brown girls because they're too bossy and White girls wouldn't convert to Islam. He may as well let his mother arrange a marriage for him since clearly he's all about making HER happy.

After a couple of hours of course the boyfriend went to bed because he has to be up at 3:00. I sent him a text suggesting him to go stay at his parents house for a few days until I get this dog thing sorted out, because demanding me to get the dog out by tomorrow when 1. I'm working a night shift tonight and again have to work nights tomorrow is unrealistic of him to tell me to get rid of him by tomorrow. I'm really hoping the previous owners take the excuse I'm allergic and take him back. I really don't want to go through the hassle of trying to find poor old Duke a good new home...I'm actually really heart broken about this. I'm more heart broken for the puppy, first he was abandoned and brought to a new home, then he was moved to another so I'm really hoping they take him back. They live on an acreage and it'd be best for them to have him. I guess we'll see.

I'm not even really sure how the boyfriend reacted to going back to his parents message. He'll probably come home tomorrow and act like nothing was said. I'm pissed off he's one of those people that when something is hard he gives up. He's lazy, he doesn't try and I'm starting to realize that he'll never actually accomplish anything because he doesn't want to work hard for it. That's sad but that's not someone I see a future with. Right now I'm so mad at him and the way he made me feel yesterday plus this bullshit I wish I had just went to Vancouver in September when I had planned and for once listened to people when they said "This will never work out."

Relationships

Relationships are hard, especially ones that have been a lie from the beginning. I came home today happy to see the puppy and the boyfriend, to spend quality time together and watch a movie. He was pissed off and went right into the bedroom to lay down because that was his moment where he no longer had to care or watch the puppy. He complains I don't ever spend time with him etc...he mostly needy and I'm not and I think for the first time in a while I've been actually happy to come home to him and our animals. 

I guess when I go back looking at our relationship there's been all this "hidden" messages. I was suppose to move to BC but decided to stay to see where this relationship was going. He said at some point he'd move there with me. He told me he wasn't a pot head and after his trip to mexico in May he quit smoking it. Well once we moved in together in August he began smoking it, and what turns out to be "not a pothead" is 100% completely a pothead can't fucking live without it. I agreed to converting to Muslim at some point...Let me mind you I am not a religious person. I believe in God and we have our own connection that isn't anyone's business but that doesn't mean I can't follow some sort of religion. 

As time went on the relationship was only ever really about him and what I need to change in my life. A couple of weeks ago he finally grew some balls and told me he didn't want to move to Vancouver. Which I was fine with because I'm still going to go when I have enough money saved up. Anyways so I finally met his parents on Friday who of course liked me but his mother was like "She needs to become Muslim and get rid of her dogs." I was so pissed, apparently to them dogs are unsanitary and you can't own them unless they live outside, but inside the house is a no no. I literally was like "I don't care if you got down on one knee right now a proposed to me, I will never give up my animals." and he honestly looked upset about it. How the fuck can you be upset about it when clearly we have them, you moved in with me but expect me to change?

You see when we met I thought he was more of a spiritual person, yes I knew he was Muslim but he said he believe in all religions etc... So I really didn't see religion becoming an issue and now here we are...the great big elephant in the room. I'll be honest I didn't mind converting before but now I refused to. To tell me animals are not welcome and I wouldn't be able to have them is a big fucking no no. 

We're both going down two very different paths in life and in the end I'm okay with that. Honestly after he said he wasn't moving to Vancouver I asked him if he was moving out? He said no because he couldn't have the freedom he has now living at home. He didn't say it was because he cared and loved me it was all about him and his freedom. Which in the end I was fine with cheaper rent and I finally stopped being mad about his lies with Vancouver and haven't brought it up since. He's honestly not happy since we got this puppy and I guess for once I'm content. I guess we're both just riding the waves until the ending. Yes we care for each other but we've come to a fork in the road and he want's to go one way and I want to go the other way.

I guess in the end we'll see how this story plays out.