Continuation from yesterday....(Relationships)

So as you all read about last night, after I closed my blog down I went into the bedroom. The boyfriend asked "where are you going?" I told him to go to bed, he asked "why?" and I simply stated because he didn't want to hang out, I was tired and wanted to sleep. He was like "put the dog in the kennel" I got upset and said you can't place a dog in the kennel when you're clearly out here playing your video games. I then said nevermind I'll take him in the room with me. He said no because he didn't want him pissing on the floor. So he "watched him".

Later on he came into the room and turned on the lights, I was chatting with a friend through messenger while I was crying because I was just so upset. A long time ago I used to get this feeling that it was just me, that no one cared about me and I was all alone. A lot of my relationships whether it be friends or boyfriends made me feel that way. It had been so long since I felt that, that feeling came back last night and it hurt. I remember not wanting to ever feel that again and there I was laying in bed crying and feeling it. So after he came in turning on the lights and checking his phone he asked me "why am I being so dramatic?" At that point I wasn't crying and he was too self centered to even notice anyways. He then said to me "We'll now you know how I feel every time I want to watch a movie or hang out and you don't." I looked at him and said WOW...so this was a punishment? This was to prove to me that you could hurt me? Real fucking mature. As he walked out of the room he saw piss on the floor. The puppy let me remind you is 10 weeks old. Had pissed on the floor. So he put him in the kennel. I got out of bed, turned off the lights and went back to crying and talking to my best friend back home. Moments later he came back in and said "Can you walk the dog one last time before you go to bed?" I laid there for a bit and once I was ready to I got up and took them out.

I took them to the field to have them play and run around, not realizing it was too cold for the puppy. I felt so bad, but we went back home after and I placed the puppy into his kennel and went back into bed. Later on the boyfriend came in while I was crying and talking to my friend. He finally decided to ask why I was crying. I was too upset to answer and just continued to bawl. Finally I fall asleep.

Currently I'm at work and around 22:00 I get this text message from the boyfriend saying "this fucking dog better be gone by tomorrow. He just bit me, he's un-trainable and if you want to keep him he's 100% your responsibility. I want nothing to do with him. It was a tiny nick in his finger he was over exaggerating. Puppies bite and if he had of listened to me the other night when I said put him down if he bites play time is over. This wouldn't have happened. Of course he couldn't be bothered to listen to me.

So here I am at work going wtf am I suppose to do? I sent a text to the previous owners because I haven't paid them yet asking them to take the puppy back since I'm highly allergic to him. I don't really know what else to say I feel really bad for this but I can't just have a dog live in a kennel because my boyfriend decided he's going to be an asshole. I feel really bad for the puppy he's cute as a button and just needs to be trained. I think this also has to do with his parents saying "Muslims can't have dogs." He expects me to change to do everything and looking at what life would be like with him "forever" isn't what I want. I don't even know why he's dating out of his culture? He says he doesn't like Brown girls because they're too bossy and White girls wouldn't convert to Islam. He may as well let his mother arrange a marriage for him since clearly he's all about making HER happy.

After a couple of hours of course the boyfriend went to bed because he has to be up at 3:00. I sent him a text suggesting him to go stay at his parents house for a few days until I get this dog thing sorted out, because demanding me to get the dog out by tomorrow when 1. I'm working a night shift tonight and again have to work nights tomorrow is unrealistic of him to tell me to get rid of him by tomorrow. I'm really hoping the previous owners take the excuse I'm allergic and take him back. I really don't want to go through the hassle of trying to find poor old Duke a good new home...I'm actually really heart broken about this. I'm more heart broken for the puppy, first he was abandoned and brought to a new home, then he was moved to another so I'm really hoping they take him back. They live on an acreage and it'd be best for them to have him. I guess we'll see.

I'm not even really sure how the boyfriend reacted to going back to his parents message. He'll probably come home tomorrow and act like nothing was said. I'm pissed off he's one of those people that when something is hard he gives up. He's lazy, he doesn't try and I'm starting to realize that he'll never actually accomplish anything because he doesn't want to work hard for it. That's sad but that's not someone I see a future with. Right now I'm so mad at him and the way he made me feel yesterday plus this bullshit I wish I had just went to Vancouver in September when I had planned and for once listened to people when they said "This will never work out."

Relationships

Relationships are hard, especially ones that have been a lie from the beginning. I came home today happy to see the puppy and the boyfriend, to spend quality time together and watch a movie. He was pissed off and went right into the bedroom to lay down because that was his moment where he no longer had to care or watch the puppy. He complains I don't ever spend time with him etc...he mostly needy and I'm not and I think for the first time in a while I've been actually happy to come home to him and our animals. 

I guess when I go back looking at our relationship there's been all this "hidden" messages. I was suppose to move to BC but decided to stay to see where this relationship was going. He said at some point he'd move there with me. He told me he wasn't a pot head and after his trip to mexico in May he quit smoking it. Well once we moved in together in August he began smoking it, and what turns out to be "not a pothead" is 100% completely a pothead can't fucking live without it. I agreed to converting to Muslim at some point...Let me mind you I am not a religious person. I believe in God and we have our own connection that isn't anyone's business but that doesn't mean I can't follow some sort of religion. 

As time went on the relationship was only ever really about him and what I need to change in my life. A couple of weeks ago he finally grew some balls and told me he didn't want to move to Vancouver. Which I was fine with because I'm still going to go when I have enough money saved up. Anyways so I finally met his parents on Friday who of course liked me but his mother was like "She needs to become Muslim and get rid of her dogs." I was so pissed, apparently to them dogs are unsanitary and you can't own them unless they live outside, but inside the house is a no no. I literally was like "I don't care if you got down on one knee right now a proposed to me, I will never give up my animals." and he honestly looked upset about it. How the fuck can you be upset about it when clearly we have them, you moved in with me but expect me to change?

You see when we met I thought he was more of a spiritual person, yes I knew he was Muslim but he said he believe in all religions etc... So I really didn't see religion becoming an issue and now here we are...the great big elephant in the room. I'll be honest I didn't mind converting before but now I refused to. To tell me animals are not welcome and I wouldn't be able to have them is a big fucking no no. 

We're both going down two very different paths in life and in the end I'm okay with that. Honestly after he said he wasn't moving to Vancouver I asked him if he was moving out? He said no because he couldn't have the freedom he has now living at home. He didn't say it was because he cared and loved me it was all about him and his freedom. Which in the end I was fine with cheaper rent and I finally stopped being mad about his lies with Vancouver and haven't brought it up since. He's honestly not happy since we got this puppy and I guess for once I'm content. I guess we're both just riding the waves until the ending. Yes we care for each other but we've come to a fork in the road and he want's to go one way and I want to go the other way.

I guess in the end we'll see how this story plays out.

Holiday's are almost over!

Not that I really get "holidays" I just get my regular days off, but as we call know the First is coming up soon. Do you have you're new years resolutions yet?

To be honest the only resolution I have is to be happier and stop taking life for grated and live each day with a purpose.  What does that mean? Stop sleeping my life away. Mind you I LOVE SLEEPING! Who doesn't? It's where I can dream and leave my current life...but again I'm also Vitamin D deficient and need to start to get that back up and maybe I'd stop being so tired and lazy all the time. I've also decided to stop telling people I want to lose weight and to just start. Everyone has a two cents they want to put into it and quite frankly I don't want to hear it. 

Single vs Relationships vs weight loss

A relationship is about two people who care about each other and are willing to compromise in order to make each one happy. This doesn't always work especially when one is selfish, uncertain and is dependent on family. Maybe it's a cultural difference between himself and I but it sure is fucking annoying when I'd like to get healthy and fit. He say he does but his pot smoking leads to his lazy behavior. I'm naturally a lazy person so when you put the two of us together it makes things worse.

I'm not okay with the weight I'm at and I'm sure as hell not okay with gaining 25 pounds since we started dating back in March 2014 because of all the take out. His promise to me when we moved in together (in August) was to cook and eat healthy. He's a Red Seal Chef, I don't even come close to being able to cook a great meal unless I can throw it in the oven. Well lets just say, after buying numerous of cook books (Which of course he doesn't like to use because he's a "Chef") two types of Diet's weight watchers and Dukan diet. He hated weight watchers and couldn't be bothered with the Dukan one, it's really left us both in the same pattern we were before. Take out, take out and even more motherfucking take out!

I really hate take out and sometimes I really just want a big juicy mother fucking salad, some veggies and the biggest tall glass of ice water you can find. It's much harder to loose weight when you're in a relationship than it is when you're not especially if you live with the person.

If anyone has some advice it'd be great. I think all I want to accomplish when the new year comes is to kick at least one or two unhealthy habits. It's not going to happen over night, there's going to be times I don't want to do it especially because of the lack of support system in the house...but where there's a will there's a way!